Where do I begin? (part 2)

    I wanted to share  a list of many of our goals that we are seeking to accomplish as we educate and disciple our little ones. Some of these will be touched on when they are older but it will give an idea of what God has placed on our hearts so far. Other families will have lists that will look different to this, no doubt. I believe that it is natural, normal and healthy to be different in many of these areas. God has placed your children in your family, not mine. So, though the main focus of pointing our children to Christ will be the same, your other goals may look very different.

Our Family Discipleship and Education Goals:

• To love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.
• To love their neighbor (others) as themselves.
• That my kids would have the fruit of the Spirit in their lives. Galatians 5:22-23 
• (love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.)
• To have a love for scripture and see it as a relevant source for wisdom in all areas of life.
• That they would love to serve others.
• That they would have a healthy self awareness.
• That they would be comfortable in their skin, having confidence.
• That they would love to learn. 
• A love to work and feel satisfaction in it.
• A love of nature.
• Have a desire to become a godly man or woman, spouse, and parent.
• Learn to communicate honestly, directly, and respectfully.
• Learn healthy ways to resolve conflict.
• Learn home skills. (meal planning, cleaning techniques, organizational skills etc.)(boys    included)
• Have basic carpentry and mechanical skills. (girls included) 
• Understand the basics of politics and how God sees it relating to their lives.
• Money management skills.
• Basic knowledge of gardening, harvesting, preserving.
• An entrepreneurial spirit.
• Understand nutrition in depth.  
• Have computer skills.
• Be comfortable working with numbers and math skills as they relate to life.
• Use grammar skills to express themselves.

    When I go through this list I begin to see value in so much more than multiplication and nouns. I begin to place value in learning to wash dishes, chopping apples, and setting the table beautifully. Disputes among siblings are no longer inconveniences but are training grounds for conflict resolution in all areas of life. Time spent outside just basking in God's goodness becomes a lesson in thankfulness and appreciation for His creation.  I go from feeling inadequate to wondering how I could ever accomplish these desires for my children after school hours and between sports activities. It will take focused attention to train our children in these ways but I believe that it is possible. As my husband and I grow in all these areas, we are able to impart them to our children in natural and applicable ways as opportunity arises.

      It is absolutely beautiful to see our children starting to get it. It is a gift to be sure. And when they don't ... which is normal...it gives me even more motivation to press into God and seek out His guidance for our lives.

Where Do I Begin? (part 1)

Just the thought of home education can fill a mother with fear and trepidation. Her mind can quickly buckle under the rapid fire of accusatory thoughts and concerns. What if I wreck my child? What if he/ she falls behind? What if we butt heads. How will I find the best curriculum?...along with... I don't even have a college degree! I don't have patience! We can't possibly afford all the things we will need, so that my children don't miss out on the things they could have in school! No, public school is much safer... More convenient... And I will be a better mom because I will be well rested when they come off the school bus at the end of their day...

There are other times that after beginning with great intentions a mother can find herself alone, discouraged, and overwhelmed. She started with all sorts of ambition and enthusiasm. Slowly but steadily she finds herself struggling to find the strength to teach one more math lesson or one more writing assignment.  The kids may not be responding to her teaching in ways she thought they would. It might take more energy than she had origionally planned for. Whatever the case, she is tired and possibly sees that the grass is greener in the public school system.

I have often wondered if there was a way to overcome some of these thoughts. I too have struggled with doubt and discouragement. But I have also seen a theme in these times of wavering. The cycle starts out with excitement and things go well for awhile. Then we hit a road block and one of the kiddos isn't understanding certain concepts, or life gets busy and this mama has more on her plate than she can handle. School starts to slide. I start questioning everything I am doing, and how I am doing it.  I begin to entertain thoughts of defeat and despair.... I find myself worried that my kids will never measure up..."Measure up to what?" Is the question I am now starting to ask.

It wasn't until just recently that my eyes have been opened to just how steeped I am in the mindset of public education, and how I was still measuring my family's successes by it. I thought I was free from the pressures that school places on children.  I thought I was truly free to go at our own pace. I thought that I loved creating my own schedule and teaching at my child's own speed...and I do to an extent. But, I am convinced that I am also threatened by such freedom.  When life gets hard, the mental attack begins. My mind is the battleground, and I am at war within myself. The truth is, all this freedom is scary without vision. The responsibility of my children's success is absolutely frightening. So, though I am committed to home education, I have repeatedly turned to the government to tell me if my child is truly a success or not. And if I don't meet their requirements, in their timetable, I feel like a failure.

I am convinced that my measure of success has been rooted for far to long in what the world tells me has value. Sure, I would tell you that I live my life for the Lord, not for the world...but... what do I pattern my child's education after? I have picked up curriculum and decided that we would go through the book, first, because it is what is "required" and second, because it has the grade level my child should be in written on it. What if they are further behind or ahead? If they are "behind" I pile guilt on myself. If they are ahead I have felt a sense of pride that I know is ungodly. Instead, what if I chose a math book based on where my child was at. What if I was completely comfortable with where they were, as long as they were being challenged, and understood the concepts being taught?

Why has it taken me soooo long to get this? I believe it is because at my core, I am insecure. I am uncertain that I could actually know my child, and that I could ask God for His values and direction. It would actually take seeking the Lord, and trusting that He could show me what is best for my child. I would actually have to be confident in what we were doing with our children, though other people might not share our opinions. For too long I just didn't have that kind of certainty running through my veins. It is my hope that this year is different. I hope that this year I can be comfortable with where my children are at and only focus on what the Lord has placed on my heart in educating and discipling my children.

It reminds me a lot of the time in history when the Israelites were fleeing the Egyptians, only to get to the desert and ask to go back. Why in the world would they want to return? The truth is there is a strange security that comes from being told what to do, how to think, and how to respond. They too fell into that trap. The Israelites knew what to expect if they went back to Egypt...slavery. But they wanted back in...Why?...Security. Desert life would mean a life of blind faith. It would mean trusting in a God that never laid out the full plan. My life is no desert experience, but I do feel like I am walking in uncharted territory, and it does require a lot of looking up to Jesus to find my bearings. And when I do I am compelled to copy very little of what many schools are teaching.

My oldest child is nine years old, and we have been home educating since preschool. Sadly, this is the first year I have sat down to make a list of goals that I would like my children to accomplish in their time before they "graduate."  Because of this I feel that I have often lost perspective in the journey of home education. But, when I look at the goals now set for these little lives I have purpose, I become grounded, I have clarity. Therefore, I am done measuring their success by a system that is not God honoring and does not even apologize for it.

If there is a mom out there considering home education, or has just begun, I would strongly encourage you to stop everything, and spend some time with Jesus. Ask Him for His goals for YOUR children (not some other family's). Ask Him what it would look like to raise your child well, and how you would know if your child is a success.  What skills are important to Him. Ask Him to place people in your path that can encourage you in these things. And then, when life gets hard, and it will, go back to HIM. Go back and ask Him how you are doing. Go through the list you have set, and see how you can accomplish these things in HIS strength and wisdom. Your children may not resemble mainstream America, but I have a feeling your Father in heaven won't be too upset about it. If your eyes are only fixed on Him and His ways, you won't be either.

I am not saying that math, science, reading, and writing are unimportant. I have a feeling you might end up inspiring your children to higher levels than you would have, if you hadn't sought out His standards. They are still only part of the goals God is asking you to build into your child. They are not the focus.

It is my hope and prayer that this could save you from the stress I have had to wrestle with. Home education can still be challenging but, with clear goals, and His standards, it can go from struggle to joy and from frustration, to excitement. It is all about perspective.

Not Just a Trip to The Zoo

Finally, after much anticipation, we were able to go to the Woodland Park Zoo! All summer long our kids have been looking forward to the possibility of going and last weekend it became a reality. Each year we ask the kids to decide together what special outing they would like to work towards. Last year we all agreed to work together to earn enough money to go to the county fair. This year our goal was the zoo. So, they have been growing veggies, harvesting, and selling them to earn enough money to go. It is not that I believe in slave labor or that we can't afford to go. We can afford to do fun things, we just have to choose what those fun things are carefully because the cost does add up. We have spoken to our children about this and told them that if we want to do extra fun things, we will have to work together as a family in order to afford them.

One of our goals as parents is that we would teach our children the value of work and the satisfaction of getting to enjoy the fruit of ones labor. As the kids pulled weeds, watered, scrubbed veggies, etc. I was able to talk to them about how much work it takes for one day of fun at the zoo. When they wanted to do other fun things that cost a lot of money or buy that new lego set, I was able to ask them if it was worth it? I reminded them of how many hours they have worked to make the amount of money they earned. I told them that we can change our plans and go buy that new toy, but that they would have to wait till next year to afford the zoo.

I really didn't know what to expect when we started this process but now that we have done it for two years, I absolutely love it. I am no longer the one always saying no to fun things. They are the ones that must choose. They are learning that things in life will not just be handed to them. They are learning the joys of working with their hands and how fun it is to work together as a family.  

So, the day finally came and my husband and I had the priviledge of driving our four sweet kiddos down to Seattle. Oh the excitement that filled our vehicle! We arrived at the entrance and it was such a delight to see their faces light up as we gave the lady our tickets and set out on our day of fun!  

 

Was it worth a summer of hard work? You bet!!! And I look forward to what they will decide to work toward next year!  

The Cost

I am tired. This heart of mine carries a heavy load. It is a load that we have deliberately chosen to carry with purpose and vision, but it is none the less tiring and overwhelming at times. It is the weight of parenting four beautiful children and seeking to point them to Christ in all we say and do. Every day it takes all that I am, every last drop of energy to invest in these little lives and the lives we interact with as we go about our day. And in the exhaustion there are days that I cry out, "I am so tired! No one understands, Lord! No one sees." It is true. Because we live a simple life and spend a lot of time at home, no one does see. No one does fully understand. And just when I am about to sink deeper into the pit I have dug with my own hands, because of the choices we have purposely made, He comes. No, I cannot see Him, but He is there. I am reminded and assured...He sees. I am comforted and consoled...He cares. I am met with the ability to keep going, to keep pressing on with new found vision and strength...in Him. He directs me and enables me to realize that there is little in life that has great value that does not also come with a great cost.

There are many costs to this life we have chosen. There is the financial cost that is felt as I do not bring in a paycheck. There is a cost of certain freedoms as I do not have the luxury of dropping my little ones off at school and strolling through the grocery store with a mind clear and focused only on my shopping list.  But, the convicting reality is that these "costs" are simply selfish and are centered around my wants and desires.  I would like to see myself as having more character than what is actually there. I would like to say that I am so consumed with following my Lord and God as I parent these precious lives that I do not struggle with all of this... but I do.

I struggle when I feel like I have invested every last drop of energy I have into the character development of a child, only to see that the behavior he or she is demonstrating at a given moment is nothing like the choices I have been trying to instill in them. I struggle when I feel like I have given my all in parenting, only to have someone critique it. I struggle when I am so tired and it takes all that I have to maintain a a positive attitude in Costco with my four children "helping" me and turn to see another mother, child free and looking beautifully made up and well rested. I struggle when I have tried all day to get the house in order only to look around and see that it is all worse off than when we woke up! My flesh looks around and sees all that everyone else is doing and I slip into selfpity, doubt, and isolation.

This is my fight. I battle it daily. I must choose to take every thought captive and bring them to Jesus. It is only then that I find peace from the pressures I place on myself. It is only after He has renewed my mind that I have clarity once again to keep pressing on. I come back to scripture and my struggles are put into perspective as I am reminded of the cost that Jesus faced on this earth.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls." Hebrews 12:1-3 

There is a joy set before me. I am met with a choice. What will be my focus today? Will I choose to run the race set before me with delight, even though it may challenge my very core? Or, will I look around and be ensnared with the things that seem so important on the outside but have no eternal value in the end.

When I get my eyes off of the work, the mess, the unexpected changes in our day, I see these beautiful little faces full of life and wonder. I see potential. I see the possibilities of what God can do through these lives to further His kingdom for His glory. It is amazing how all these thoughts can capture my heart in a moment. My circumstances may not change... they might even worsen. But when I fix my eyes on Jesus and His ways I can suddenly breath. I have strength and courage to finish the day. The "cost" that I have been overwhelmed by diminishes and I am once again humbled by the smallness of my faith. I am so thankful for His overwhelming grace as I seek to follow His ways.